Brahmacharya

Brahmacharya is literally continence, moderation, or restraint of sexual behavior but can also be applied to all areas of behavior. It is also a stage of life in traditional Hindu society when young men and women learn their roles in society, become educated, and become fully prepared to be not only productive members of the community but loving spouses and parents. This can only occur when they are not distracted by sexual lust. Traditional Hindus still practice arranged marriages for this reason, eliminating the need for dating, although marrying for love also happens.

A retired teacher recently wrote in to the Ask Amy newspaper column with an informal survey she took 10 years ago of her high school students: she asked her classes to indicate when in their lives they first went to a party as part of a recognized couple. Those girls who began dating the earliest (as early as the fifth grade) generally performed the worst in school - the earlier they started, the worse they did. The later they started, the better they did. One student asked, "I go to parties, but I've never gone as part of a couple. What do I indicate?" She was valedictorian.

The same correlation did not hold true for boys. The teacher theorized that the boys did not take dating and social status as seriously as the girls did. She also noticed that the parties for the younger girls were organized by the mothers of the girls, and that it seemed to be status driven.

Scientific research has shown consistently that education of girls and women is key to lifting families out of poverty. While this should not mean neglecting boys and men, we should not forget that distractions of any kind on the path to knowledge and understanding can lead to pain and suffering. The very young should form friendships under strict supervision; they need to be guided by example as they learn to form healthy relationships that will last, and avoid unmindful exploitational behavior.

The Buddhist Third Mindfulness Training (as taught by Thich Nhat Hanh) states:
"Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful sexual behavior, I am committed to cultivating sexual responsibility and respect in myself and in others.
I will learn ways to protect the physical and emotional integrity of individuals, couples, and society. If I choose to engage in sexual relations, I will do so only in a loving and committed relationship. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my emotional, physical, and legal commitments to my partner as well as commitments among other persons. I will do everything in my power to protect children, women, and men from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by unmindful sexual behavior. I will be mindful of loneliness and sexual suffering in myself and others and I will be compassionate and nonjudgemental concerning the sexual behavior of others.
This is the third of the Five Mindfulness Trainings. Have you made an effort to study and practice it during the past two weeks?"